It’s amazing how, in my head, I always know what I would like to write, what I would like to say...but I don’t make the time…I don’t allow myself to make the time…to write it down. I’ve always been a fan of keeping diaries and journals. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it, but somewhere in the chaos I call my room, I know I have my diary from when I was about 10. What I’ve been doing for the past several years is making To Do lists. I have To Do lists for everything imaginable…chores, projects, goals. My lists are unique, as I also include my feelings as a side comment of sorts. Ok, so, why resort to expressing myself through a To Do list as opposed to actually writing a journal or as the girly side of me wants to say…a diary? The answer is simple: I wear my heart on my sleeve, and when I write, it becomes a tangible piece of evidence to the inner workings of my mind. I don’t know if it’s a sense of pride, I don’t know if I’m just a bull and stubborn in some ways…maybe it’s a combination of the above mentioned. However, when I write, I become vulnerable.
But I’m also dumb. I’ll admit it. Sometimes I forget how therapeutic writing can be. The best way I can describe my thought process is it’s constantly running…It’s like a train going 100 miles per hour, and it rarely stops or slows down. Whenever I have a problem or I’m dealing with any situation, I have fictitious mental conversations on how the problem can be fixed, or how the situation can be dealt with, or the What If’s. Honestly, I am not a fan of What If’s or the Could Haves, the Would Haves, or the Should Haves. And a lot of times I forget that simply writing and expressing myself is the meditational tool to living a “less stressful” life. So ultimately, it’s funny how the fear of being vulnerable to write is a bigger fear than I imagined. Well, now that I have that clear and straightened, I can begin. Sometimes I simply can’t stop writing once I start. I’ve always been a writer. With my heart on my sleeve I’m going to move forth and write until my happy little heart is content as it can be. God Bless all. And happy reading.
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